It was an exceptionally nice morning, when I arrived, at the barber shop, for my monthly haircut. The sky was deep blue and clear of any cloud-seeding vapor trails. The natural clouds were brilliant white. The temperature, a low-humidity, 78 degrees. The kind of day that puts a spring in your step. So, I was surprised to see my barber Joe’s face showing a mystifying, down-trodden look. He didn’t even say good morning. As I settled into the barber chair, our eyes met, in the big mirror.

I said, “Why so glum, Joe?”

Joe responded with a question. “You want same as usual?”

I said, “Yeah. Shorten it up all around and top. Taper the back. Trim the eyebrows but not the nose hairs.” I smiled, pleasantly.

Joe said, glumly, “You should really let me do the nose hairs. You don’t do it right. They look wild and footloose.”

Not wanting to start out on the wrong foot, I said, “Well. OK. But not too rough. If a hair get yanked out, my nose swells. I look like W.C. Fields.”

It was then that I noticed how wild Joe’s hair was. Not like him at all. His hair was all over the place and gelled to stay that way.

Joe said, again glumly, “I know my trade. What you have to do it keep your fingers out of your nostrils.”

Now that could have been the start of an argument, but I held my fire.

I said, “What’s wrong, Joe? You seem out of sorts today.”

Joe said, “You ever watch that TV show Diners and Dives. Something like that.”

I said, “Sure. Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. Good show. But I have to tell you. My job requires driving to new locations every day. In all my travels, I never came across a diner that could do much more than bacon and eggs and not all that good at that. But I’m always hopeful that one day, I’ll run across one of those great diners.”

Joe said, “Yeah. Well be that as it may. What do you think of the guy who does that show.”

I said, “Guy Fieri? He seems like a good egg. Drives some sporty cars. One of the few people on earth, to suffer theft, of a Lamborghini. Now, that is something to brag about.”

Joe said, “So, he’s loaded.”

I said, “Oh yeah. Big contracts with that Food Network.”

Joe said, “That makes him sexy, huh?”

I said, “Big money attracts good looking babes. ‘And that’s the way it is.’ If I can paraphrase Walter Cronkite.”

Joe said, “Maybe so. But if he didn’t have all that dough, would he still be sexy? You know, on looks alone.”

I said, “I’m sure his wife thinks so.”

Joe said, “You ever binge watch that Diners and Dives show?”

I said, “I’m not much for binge watching. When it comes to TV shows, one view usually does it for me. Now, in the case of a movie like The Bridge Over the River Kwai. I could watch that every week.”

Joe said, “Never heard of it. But, my Patty Lou, she’s always got that Food Network on. And she can’t get enough of Diners and Dives, y’know.”

I said, “Well a, does she like to eat?”

Joe said, “She’s got a good appetite. But nothing excessive. She likes to keep her figure. She is a good looker, y’know.”

I said, “So I gather, from what you told me. But does her interest in Diners and Dives upset you?”

Joe said, “Well, here’s the thing. What I can’t understand. Is she gets the giggles, watching the show. Now, with me, I never saw anything funny about some guy flipping flap jacks, on a grill. But, Patty Lou, she busts a gut every time there’s a close-up shot of Guy Fieri.”

I said, “Really? That’s odd. He’s not a comedian.”

Joe said, “No, he’s not.”

I said, “What does she find funny?”

Joe said, “I don’t know I should be telling you this. You wouldn’t repeat anything. Especially to Patty Lou.”

I said, “Mums the word, Joe. And, I never even met your Patty Lou, so of course, if I ever did meet her, I wouldn’t repeat anything you said about her, except she’s a fine looking woman and a great wife, I should think,”

Joe said, “Yeah, she’s all of that and then some. But here’ the thing. The other night, we had a few drinks. And we started getting in the mood, y’know. And I was building up momentum.”

I said, “Momentum. That’s a good thing. You build up momentum, and you can get some good work done.”

Joe said, “That’s true. But, before that, I was in the shower. When I got out, I towel dried my hair. But I did not comb it. Y’know. Why comb it, when you plan on doing something that’s gonna get your hair mussed anyway.”

I said, “I agree. Good thinking. And whether or not you comb you hair shouldn’t bother your momentum. Right?”

Joe said, “Well, that’s what I thought. But when you have good momentum, you can start moving things, right? And that turns momentum into useful work. I learned that in high school physics. And work, as you know, can put a strain on your face.”

I said, “Oh, it certainly can. Especially if you’re straining to move a heavy object.”

Joe said, “Or, moving rapidly, to move a small object.”

I said, “Sure. Either way. Move a small thing quickly, or a big thing slowly. Could be the same amount of energy either way.”

I wasn’t sure if I should do anything to carry on this conversation that looked like, it could turn very personal, very quickly.

Joe said, “Now, while I was working hard on moving a small object rapidly, arching my back, closing my eyes an all, Patty Lou starts laughing her ass off.”

I said, “No way!”

Joe said, “You remember those F4 Phantom jets, were used in the Vietnam War?”

I nodded.

Joe said, “Ever see one of them pilots get hit by anti-aircraft fire. And then pulls the yellow handle and ejects under rocket power?”

I nodded.

Joe said, “I told her. You gotta stop laughing like that. Especially, when I’m on a bombing run.”

I said, “What in the world got her laughing?”

Joe said, “She was looking at my hair and said, through her uncontrollable laughter, ‘You look just like Guy Fieri.’”

I said, “No way!”

Joe said, “Now, my question to you is: was that a good thing or a bad thing?”

I said, “You mean at a critical time? With building momentum? Eyes closed and all? Was it good or bad to look like Guy Fieri? That’s the question?”

Joe said, “Yeah.”

I nodded.

Joe said, “That’s it?”

I said, “When Patty Lou laughed, what did you do?”

Joe said, “I laughed too.”

I said, “And that’s when you got ejected.”

Joe said, “Yeah.”

I said, “Well it sounds to me like you both enjoyed the experience. In the same way Guy Fieri enjoyed having his Lambo stolen and later recovered. Everybody had a good laugh. How could that be bad?”

Joe was quiet for awhile, digesting my analysis. Then he said, “But here’s the thing. What was Guy Fieri doing in my bed, in the first place?”

I said, “Well, you’ll have to ask Patty Lou about that.”